I Dreamed Last Night That I'd Been Born American

I dreamed last night that I’d been born American
And in my dream I did the strangest things
I want to change rugby’s rules and its name to football
Have a break every year for just two weeks, that’s all
I want to jaywalk on sidewalks then ride on the surf
I want to believe the sun orbits Earth

I dreamed last night that I’d been born American
And in my dream I wished the strangest things
In a frat house I’ll major in baseball at Yale
Do no work but be so rich I don’t fail
On the road’s wrong side I’ll drive gas fuelled cars
I want to stick “Old Glory” on Mars

I dreamed last night that I’d been born American
And in my dream I craved the strangest things
To settle down in a white wooden picket fenced house
My children called Scooter and Scout
To starve for a month and still be quite stout
To say “ass”, “ho” and “jerk”
Though “MoFo” is out

I dreamed last night that I’d been born American
And in my dream I had the strangest time
I stood before Mount Rushmore
Bush, Quail and Trump carved there years before
God hid the fossils in the rocks for a bet
Which the devil won and is still laughing yet

I dreamed last night that I’d been born American
And in my dream I lived the strangest life
Not a clue what it is, but Thanksgiving came
I addressed my next door neighbour by his surname
I bombed the world flat and felt no shame
Though I’m too free to go there I know Cuba’s to blame

Bridge
My fantasy, finally
To be so free I get to see
We’re better dead than red
I want to order a beer with six inches of head

I dreamed last night that I’d been born American
And in my dream I saw the strangest world
I could drink Sarsaparilla out in the sun
Eat meatloaf and blueberry pie by the ton
Spell mum “mom” yet still pronounce it as “mum”
And grow me a fanny instead of a bum
I dreamed last night that I’d been born American